When I finally had the time to have my cup of coffee, it was almost five. I was feeling strong urge to go home and get myself back to work but I knew I shouldn’t. There is the time you want to be all by yourself but you shouldn’t. So I decided to take few more hours outside until the situation getting better.
It had been so terribly out of sync all day, and it was because I couldn’t wake up at 4 am to get some work done. Around 10 last night, I felt so lethargic that I just had to go to bed, with setting the alarm at 4 am thinking that six hours of sleep would be enough; it wasn’t and it would never be. I barely opened my eyes at 7:30 am with greater urgency and could get the one out of two job done but felt so bitter about myself. I had to leave the house around 10:30. And the worse thing was that after more than eight hours sleep, I couldn’t even barely feel refreshed. It was in fact opposite; somehow I felt really under the weather but strangely enough the weather was so good that I felt guilty using that expression.
I had wanted to watch a movie and visit the exhibition for a while but had not been able to squeeze some time out. When I was drinking the first (and the third of the day) cup of coffee, the time was running close to the five. The museum would close within an hour and the movie start within 30 minutes. The museum and theater are located somehow close so wise planning would kill both at one visit but I wasn’t able to do so. The best choice would be giving up both, go back home and work. I have to do some field trip tomorrow so I can replan the whole thing. But like I said, sometimes you shouldn’t be by yourself even if you really want to. I can’t explain why but after living like this for a while, you eventually would develop the sense to know when not to be all by yourself. There will be some dangerous moments. No, I don’t mean that you would get tempted to hurt yourself… Ok, you might but I am not. I’m over that period.
Anyway, I decided to choose only one: run to the museum and spend thirty minutes with the photographs? Or run to the movie and… Within thirty seconds I chose the latter as the bus would stop right in front of the theater. So I started running upon the selection. The driver was the classiest one I ever met within a decade so it made me feel a bit better. When I got there, it was two minutes before the movie begins. I will talk about it maybe tomorrow.
When I feel out of sync, I feel like being my own spectator of my performance; what I mean by that is, I just don’t feel like I am behaving my usual self. You are up on the stage and all of sudden forget the script completely, not even a single line. You are doomed. Likewise, I plan out for everything but somehow it all got murky and don’t remember anything at all. And I am looking over that and sigh. People may not notice and it is not important because I do.
It is getting close to midnight and I should’ve gone to the bar, but I think I have a heartburn and shouldn’t drink. I know where it comes from so I have to visit the doctor’s as early as possible. I have a plan to visit after finishing this project but it may get too later if I wait. I nearly puked at the bus stop. Now I am fine.