Incomplete: the story of soothing hands

Fuck inspiration.

Don’t get me wrong. I do believe in it. I just don’t believe in its ephemeral nature. Or something people believe as such. Yes, sometimes the idea strikes you all of sudden, from out of nowhere. However, I do not think it is as valuable as some might believe. Thus whenever that happens, I would rather leave it as it is to see whether it can survive the test of time. The duration can be varied from idea to idea(or emotion, I would say), but the point is that only survived ones are worthy being materialized(documented, in this case). Even after documenting them, I let them age once more. To tell the truth, I do not want them to in most cases, but there is no other way as I tend to be in either position: lack of time or audacity. Anyway, I have not believed such kind of ephemeral emotion leads me into the territory of something meaningful.

When you make up your mind to do this it for the first time, especially after couple years’ worth of long deliberation, you would try so hard to catch all the ephemeral stuffs whenever they pop up. As a result, you would have so many sleepless nights without obvious reasons. After admitting their existence and uselessness (almost) simultaneously, the situation would get better. For me, it was some kind of enlightenment: you can’t do it as long as you want if seeking ephemeral ones only. This must be your life itself, rather than just part of it. As childish as it may sound…

It was some Friday night in May when the idea struck me. My instant reaction: denial, as you might guess. It was based on emotion which I had not believed was mine for a very long time so denial could be only and proper reaction. While still not being able to fight self-generated denial with full strength, I tried to capture it simply because I just knew I would have to wait for a long time yet again had I not even tried. So I began to write it down only to see myself…well, falling short. Instantly I knew that I would never have the second chance to complete it. In fact, I do not really want it to happen anyway thus it was only natural to leave it as incomplete.

It is not that important that what kind of story it was. If I am forced to reveal… it is the story of something happening; something never likely to happen happens: to meet pair of soothing hands. The reason being written in English is that, not sure I have to explain, the idea chose it as more appropriate as it wanted not to reveal every detail of itself. That’s all. My English, especially for this kind of writing, is as incomplete as you think it is. I am just trying. It makes only sense to leave it incomplete as my language skill set for this is indeed incomplete.

 by bluexmas | 2011/07/16 02:46 | Life | 트랙백

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